Did you ever receive a present from a person you love, that means a lot and you want to preserve for the rest of your life? In my case, it is a useful object, but that is not the main reason why I treasure it; it is the sentimental meaning what matters the most.
The gift was from my cousin. She gave it to me even though it wasn’t a special occasion. I was around seven years old and my cousin was one year younger than me, I rejected it because it was her toy and there wasn’t any reason in that moment to accept it. Finally I said yes and I went home with the toy.
A few months later, my cousin got sick all of a sudden and she was hospitalized. Two days later, she passed away due to a hearth disease. I was really sad and angry because my parents wouldn’t let me see her at the end. I remember that I had her toy and whenever I saw it I felt better. I remember that she gave it to me because she loved me, and I thought that if I preserved it, she was going to be with me.
This toy I’m talking about is a little green compass, and when I was a child I thought that the arrow showed me where her spirit was. I still have the compass and it is an object that I treasure because it reminds me of the love of my cousin, and her love for me.
I think that even if my cousin hadn’t passed away, I would treasure the compass in the same way, because it reminds me of happy childhood moments, and of a person that I love.
Average: Mechanics (1.5), Language Use (4), Vocabulary (3), Organization (4), Content (3)
23 comentarios:
Hi Astrid!! I love your story, is really touching, when I end it, I got a little sentimental hahaha, seriously I think is a very good writing, just the usual vocabulary mistakes but it have all for a perfect present of what a treasure possession could be.
Hello AStrid: I think you did a very good job, you really transmit what you want without lots of explanations, I just suggest you to pay more attention on the punctuation, but nothing really relevant!
See you soon!
Hi Astrid.
I want to tell you thank you very much for sharing this story. Well, actually it is more than a story. It is very touching and also very well written.
Aaraón
It is a sad story, but you can see the emotion that means your precious object, so it is a really good description of the personal and extrinsic value, so I like it.
Hey Astrid.
Exelent work, at first glance I only found one error: "...even thought it wasn't..." you should use "though".
Hi Astrid
Wow you really showed me why you treasure this gree compass. I think you success in expressing your feelings. Just check "even thought" It might be a typing error
Hi Astrid:
Your story is really touching, also is well structured, your ideas are clear and you showed a good use of vocabulary.
Grat work!
Cheers,Monse.
I´m glad that you can keep a treausure like this, and talking about your text, I think is good, I think It is organized, You have a complete vocabulary...
good work astrid!!
Hi astrid
let me tell you that I like your story, it's very emotive, and it requires you to be strong at the moment you were writing it.
I saw very few mistakes in some words, but it's okay.
Hi Astrid, I really liked your composition, when you someone reads your story immediately gets the feeling that you have when you describe the compass
It was really nice
Hi Astrid,
I like your text. I think the ideas are very well developed. You had in the area of mechanics, but you succeed in the most important area (for me) the content. You explained very well why do you have a special connection with your toy. Your story is very emotive. Good job.
Hey Astrid, it is a very good writing. It really shows why you treasure that compass, it is emotive, and strong.
You made a good job.
Astrid:
You did a very good work. It is well organized, clear, and few mistakes. It was sentimental and it makes you think about the value of the objects and the sentimental thing.
What can I say? It's a very emotive writing.. let me tell you that I can understand why you treasure that compass..
I feel a little bit ebarased because my precious possession is my car, so you can realize why I feel this way..
Hey Astrid, I like your sotry because you were capable on explaining, in a few words, the importance of a present for you, that means you are not a shallow person. The content was well developed and the punctuation was accurate. In general the language use was good with very few mistakes.
Hello.
I think that your writing is good, I couldn't find mechanics problems, and you have a well organized essay. You exposed very clearly why that compass is your most treasured object and is according to your introductory paragraph where you said that the sentimental meaning is the most important. You weren't contradictory in the whole text, It's nice.
See you.
Gabriel Garcìa
Hi Astrid:
I think it´s a very good example of what a treasure could mean for someone and you were able to transmit our ideas very well.
The orgnization is good and the content is also very good.
Well done!!
Sincerely
Robert
I understood what you wanted to present in ypur text, you were concrete and clearly
Hello Astrid
You made us feeling the sadness that you felt for the situation of your cousin. You made us appreciate the value of that compass. Your composition reached its goal. To do that you need to have an adequate use of English, and to use the vocabulary that you have in the right way. Perhaps you should use a more extensive vocabulary, but I think that the way that you organized your ideas to present a text like yours was excellent. Keep working.
HI Astrid
I like your story explained very well the importance of your compass. The content was well structured the language was well used.
Good work
Hi Astrid!
It seems as a sad story but I think you managed to explain different feelings form yourself clearly and very well organized. I like your job!
hi astrid
My treasure is the love to a person, and my story is similar like your story, I am agree because the things mean something because have a sentimental value, the only thing i recommend you is to use more expression words.
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